i like stories

Not just distance

Kids tend to become friends by accident. Like in kindergarten (or 8th grade…) when people become friends just because they happened to sit next to each other in math and were the same height or both Korean or something. That’s definitely not a bad thing, but I feel like people rarely take initiative to cultivate friendships and just let it happen. Not that I would expect too many people to think about that sort of thing now, especially during high school when pretty much everyone is awkward. It’s just that I want my friends to feel like I’m their friend because I wanted to and it was on purpose. I want them to feel special! Oftentimes I hear about people talking about how they have friends who know them well but treat them not very well, but they’ve been friends for so long they must be close. And I just don’t like that very much.

A while ago, I decided I wanted make my relationships intentional without being annoying, whether it be by explicitly making an effort to talk to them or ask them to hang out it the person so it’s pretty clear I want to be friends. It can be embarrassing or weird, and now I get over it pretty quickly. But I decided relationships are what I value the most in life, so it’s worth it. I put them above school. Sometimes it’s really awkward, but then I just let it go. Sometimes it makes me sad.

It’s getting frustrating, though, because it can be so difficult! Either I just don’t know how to do it or the other person is unresponsive although I know for a fact they would like to. I also don’t like bonding over gossip and complaints; I just don’t think bile is a good foundation for a friendship. But that’s how a lot of people do it.

So those are 2 components of high school friendships that disturb me: Their tenuous quality due to the lack of intentional interaction and the bonding over complaining and gossip.

No wonder they often don’t last.